American Fag

I went to NYU; I live in New York City; and I work in the entertainment industry. Because of these things, I often forget that many people in this country believe that being gay is wrong. This is an arcane moral judgment—which completely elude me these days as I live and move in modern, forward-thinking circles. The people around me don’t think being gay is weird; they don’t think it’s gross or immoral—in all likelihood, the straight people I surround myself with don’t think about it much at all. But there are many out there who believe that this lifestyle is “wrong.”

I went to Catholic school, so I understand moral judgment. I understand it intimately. I also understand that there is supposed to be a separation of Church & State, (but that seems laughable at this point given that the Mormon Church has become one of the most powerful political lobbying groups out West). But I digress… Before I understood emotion, before I understood Truth, and before I experienced love (I dare not say that I “understand” love, I have too much respect and awe for its power. I know I’ve felt it; but I’m not sure I’ll ever understand it. I don’t think I want to.), I had many judgments. Mostly, they were born out of ignorance and fear. It’s comparatively easy to judge something you don’t understand. And it’s much easier to hate something you fear than to learn about it. I didn’t want to expend the energy it would have taken to understand the things I feared, and my Church told me it was acceptable to reject them, so I did that instead. Eventually, I had some distance from religion and life forced its lessons upon me, thus expanding my mind (thank God); and I now have compassion and empathy in my heart where I once harbored hatred and fear. It is because of this kind of intellectual laziness, this obstinate ignorance, that we (the gays) find ourselves oppressed. I chuckle even as I write the word oppressed while I sit in my J. Crew jeans, typing on a brand new MacBook, surrounded by Pottery Barn furniture. We are an upwardly mobile people. We are successful, we are creative; we are a gifted lot. And yet, we are somehow still pinned down by archaic ideology.

What’s so strange to me, is that the groups most fervent in their protestations site “family values” as their main platform for objection. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but two people, in love, who want to commit their lives to one another and become a family—this what they’re objecting to? Furthermore, the key players in this crusade are groups that have been very clearly discriminated against. Seventy percent of African Americans supported Prop 8. In 1865 African Americans did not have equal marital rights, they didn’t have rights at all. Even as recently as 1967, interracial marriage was illegal. Just forty-one years ago, it would have been impossible for our beloved President Elect, this beacon of “Change” and “Hope” to exist—or at least to come from a legitimate, recognized, legal marriage. And yet, on the day that America put their faith in him, they voted to take away the rights of others, to move backwards in terms of social change. This is the ugliest of ironies.


Perhaps those opposed to giving us the right to marry have lost touch with the meaning of marriage. Now, I know I can’t legally do it, but let me take a stab at defining it. Let me see if I can articulate what marriage is: It is my understanding that when I marry my love, I am publicly declaring my unwavering, steadfast devotion to this woman. I am uniting my life with hers, my heart with hers, forever. No matter what circumstances the universe may hand us, we are promising to endure, together. To me this is not only necessary, it is guaranteed. When I make this promise, I will keep it. I am fiercely loyal and extremely protective of both my heart and the hearts of those I love. I will do everything necessary to keep my vows to this woman, whomever she may be. Love is not a myth. Marriage is not impossible. And we will gladly show the world that the gays are not only capable of respecting the sanctity of marriage, we will do so with enthusiasm, with grace, and with the utmost reverence for the institution.

I pay taxes, I vote, and I would even go to war if my country called on me to do so. I don’t break the laws, I don’t discriminate against my fellow citizens, and I would never make moves to restrict the rights of others. I am an American citizen. I deserve the same rights as everyone else.

My heart was built to love a woman’s heart. This is not wrong. Love is not wrong. Anyone who impedes the happiness and obstructs the justice of a group of innocent people is wrong. They are wrong and cruel and stupid. I pity anyone so ignorant and embittered that they cannot recognize the true meaning of Family Values: empathy, kindness, guidance, understanding, peace, support, strength, protection, and love. Any couple worth their salt knows this. These are the qualities that make a family. These are the values that make a country, that make this country, America. I am indeed an American Fag.