Irish? Italian? Or Just Plain Jersey?

I had the writer’s good fortune of spending this past weekend with a bunch of friends from Jersey at the beach with my parents… I’m going to list for you my favorite quotes from this experience:

“What do you think I just came down with the rain-drops? Huh? Is that what you think?”

“This guy could talk a dog off a meat truck.”

“Oh man, watch out, she’s fulla shit & bad manners today.”

“His mouth was writing checks his body could not cash.”

“Yeah, sure. If you believe that, I got some swampland in Florida I could sell ya.”

“Don’t worry about it. Can’t see it from my house, y’know what I’m sayin?”

“We sure got the butter from the duck yesterday.”

“My belly button is puckering and un-puckering as we speak.”

“You know what they say: when love lights on a horse’s ass, all the world’s aglow.”

Translations of my friends’ quotes:

“Came down with the rain-drops” = Born yesterday
(similar to: Do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck?)
“Talk a dog off a meat-truck” = Talk you into anything.
(similar to: He could sell ice to the Eskimos.)
“Shit & Bad Manners” = Upset
(similar to: Full of piss & vinegar)
“Mouth writing checks…” = Shooting your mouth off & gonna get hit
(similar to: Cruisin’ for a bruisin’.)
“Swampland in Florida” = You’re an idiot.
(similar to: Did you know gullible is not in the dictionary?)
“Can’t see it from my house” = Not my problem

Mom & Dad:

The bizarre belly-button business came from my Dad. He seems to think it originated from an old episode of M*A*S*H and it means that the person saying it is very excited (often used facetiously). I grew up hearing this, on average, about once a week. I don’t think I realized how unique it was to my family’s vocabulary until very recently. Now I must consider the brain that trapped this one particular quote from a sit-com in the ‘80s and uses it regularly should probably be checked for something: Madness? Genius? It’s a fine line people, a fine line indeed. Daddy Dearest is also responsible for the butter-duck line. Apparently, in some far-far-away land (South Jersey?), a really hard day’s work includes milking the duck and creating butter from THAT milk as the very last task…naturally.

And finally, “You know what they say, when love lights on a horse’s ass…” Who? Who on earth are “they?” Who says this? My mother, of course. And she brought us this one straight from her grandmother who apparently used this phrase to explain the pointlessness of trying to talk someone out of loving a poor choice of mate. Apparently, insane quotations have been passed through generations in my family. And thank God for that.

The tough-guy cool quotes came from my friends and their crazy families. The exceptionally bizarre/nerdy quotes at the end of the list came directly from my family. I have nothing but an abundance of love and appreciation for the crazy phrases they’ve filled my head with for the past (almost) twenty-five years. And, as an attempt at balance and gratitude, I’ll offer a Rudyard Kipling quote in homage to the Wisdomania they continue to bestow on me:

“…the strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack.”

Apparently, I’m drawing my strength from duck butter and a horse’s ass. That’s my pack. Wouldn’t trade it for the world. And I’m not sure if it comes from the Irish grandparents or the Italians, but the bottom line is, it all makes sense in Jersey.