Sad Songs

When my old PC died, so did a part of me, this piece of machinery (purchased in late 2003) housed a piece of my heart, a big piece: my music. In June of 2006, I lost over 4,000 songs because my logic board lost all sense of rational and failed, thus rendering my hard-drive inaccessible. Heart breaking. I think I was too devastated at the time to appreciate the humor: my life and computer simultaneously fell apart, they both stopped making sense and both my PC and me were completely useless. I’ll spare you the gory details of my personal issues, but that old box of microchips housed my screen-plays, short stories, and all the music I owned. Most of the things I wrote weren’t worth saving, but the songs were dearly missed.

Last weekend, I was cleaning out some old drawers in my parents’ house and I came across my external hard-drive. At some point, I was responsible enough to back-up some files. And tonight, I uncovered hundreds of songs—not the full library, but a good chunk; and with these tunes come all the memories from those two years, flooding into my ears, and the subsequent waves of emotion are crashing down around me. The Garden State Soundtrack pulls me right back into the summer of 2004. Cat Power and Fiona Apple for the summer of ’05. That same year, I discovered the beauty of Ani DiFranco. I used to listen to her on my walk home from work across town—14th Street, the Garbage swirls like a cyclone, three o’clock in the afternoon and I’m going home… What can I say? I love music. Sweet, sweet music. And so I dedicate this to my former self, a moody bitch who seriously could have benefited from some George Michael and a good ol fashion underpants dance-party. Cheer up younger me!

I don’t care what they think about me and, I don’t care what they do-oo, I don’t care about anything else but caring is creepy. If this is it, please let me know. If this ain’t right, I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more just to be your everything. Open up the heaven in your heart and let me tell it like it is. Don’t be ashamed to let your conscience be your guide. Because this is thriller. Thriller night, I can scare you more than B-b-b-b-benny and the jetsss. Oh but they’re weird and wonderful oh Benny she’s really keen. She’s got electric love, love, love, love crazy love. Wait, they don’t love you like I love you. Wait, they don’t love you like I love you, maps, maps wait—let’s get lost, lost in love and I don’t know much was I thinking about, fell out of touch now I’m back on your side, back on your side baby. It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do. I bless the rains down in the boondocks. Down in the boondocks. People put me down ‘cause that’s the side of town I was born in. I love her, she loves pissin in a river, watchin it rise; tattoo fingers touch me in the morning. Then just walk away. But I don’t want to lose you now. We’re gonna get through somehow. No more pain, No more pain, no Drama, no more in my life. Take my hand as the sun descends, they can’t hurt you now, can’t hurt you now, can’t hurt you now that I found you, I’m gonna build my whole world around you. So don’t go breakin my heart. I will always love you, will always want you to want me, need you to need a hero. I’m holding out for a hero till the end of the night. You’ve gotta be bad, gotta be bold, gotta be wiser, gotta be hard, gotta be tough, gotta be stronger. You’ve gotta be cool, gotta be calm, gotta stay together. All I know, all I know is love will save the day.

Good times with music. I realize, when I go through my Itunes and have a random sampling of my favorite ones, most of them can be heard on light FM radio. I’m ok with that. God Bless Air Supply. And thank goodness for upbeat music. No wonder my little Japanese computer committed Hara-Kiri (Harry Carey)—it listened to way too many sad songs. And as we know: Sad songs say so much.