My Dad the Czech-Republican

A recent phone-conversation with Daddy dearest :

Me: Did you see on CNN they're talking about a UFO sighting? Must be a slow news day.

Dad: Yeah, while I recognize that it's possible, I highly doubt that aliens were in Texas last night. They're not far from an Air-Force base, there's probably a logical explanation for what they think they saw.

Me: Probably. I hope. I'm scared of aliens. Until we can learn to get along with each other, I don't think there's a lot of hope for humans getting along with another species.

Dad: Well, I wouldn't worry about it.

Me: Um, Dad?

Dad: Yeah.

Me: Do you believe in aliens?

Dad: Let me put it to you this way: if there are aliens, and they were going to come to earth, why the hell would they go to a corn-field in Texas?

Me: Because it's expensive to park in Manhattan?

Dad: Seriously, if you were a creature visiting earth for the first time, my guess is, farmland ain't high on the list of things you came here to see.

Me: Hmmm. Well, maybe aliens are like those tourists that don't research where they're going before they plan the trip. Maybe they like to wing-it. Or maybe they do show up here. I mean, just about anyone or anything could walk down Broadway at midday and no one would bat an eyelash. Same is probably true of the Warner Brother's lot in LA. My guess is if they could get past security, no one would even notice them inside.

Dad: Anne, don't be silly. If they can figure out how to travel at the speed of light, they can probably get past a few glorified mall-cops.

Anne: Good point. So you really don't think it there's another life form out there?

Dad: I highly doubt it. Look at it this way: the cover-up on something like this would have to be so enormous from every single government in the world and every single news corporation--it's just not logical Anne Elizabeth. I mean, if they're around, people have seen them. If no one has seen them, they must not be there, right?

Anne: This from the man who believes that there were, in fact, Weapons of Mass Destruction. Nobody saw them, Dad, right?

Dad: (silence)

Anne: I'm just saying, much like the WMD thing, someone was certain they were there. We sent a bunch of people over there to scope it out and we came back sans evidence. If a foreign government can find a way to hide nuclear weapons from us, you don't think it's possible that a life form that has managed interplanetary travel can sneak around among the "Great Unwashed?"

Dad: Well if they're so smart, what the hell are they coming here for? We're not all that impressive.

Anne: I don't know, maybe the same reason we like to go to Amish country and watch them weave a blanket.

Dad: Anne.

Anne: Or maybe it's pure morbid curiosity. I mean, you're a pretty smart guy, and you watch "The Hills."

Dad: Anne.

Anne: Or maybe, it's like the shirtless, toothless, unwashed aliens that are swoopin' down to earth to just cause a raucous. Maybe it's their equivalent of cow-tipping. Nothing interesting about a cow standing in a field, but add a few drunk rednecks and a 4x4 and you've got yourself a bonified comedic endeavor.

Dad: Anne.

Anne: Yeah?

Dad: You're a bonified comedic endeavor.

Anne: Thanks Dad.

Dad: G'night kiddo, love you, lock your doors.

Anne: Will do. Love you too Dad.